today i am making an lj post. i have been worried lately becuase my room always smells kind of bad and i always thought it was my roomate but recently i keep thinking i smell it in my bed. i think i should wash my blanket and see if it still smells and then i will know for sure that it is him. sports are cool right now since the sharks are going to win the stanley and MLS is starting up again. i have this problem that all my classes this quarter are pretty small and take roll so it will be obvious if i miss class. so not that i want to miss that often but some days i want to skip one, except i figure that if i skip more than one they will start noticing ang get angry. so basically i don't want to waste the day i skip if i might need it more later. a lot of mornings i feel like i'm going to throw up and i don't know what it is, but it's pretty bad. people should come visit me. i MISS EVERYONE!!!
this is my mood right now. I wish i were more motivated to read but i hate reading plays because i would rather see them onstage. I saw babel it was good. it was like crash but a lot better because it was more subtle. i come home in a week and a half! yes!
This weekend scott and I explored chicago at midnight. We went to this experimental music concert which was just these 2 old guys playing with their laptops so we left. We tried to go to the hancock observatory but it was reserved by girlscouts! i didn't think you could reserve an observatory. plus it should have been their bedtime so i don't know what was up. it was probably the put-crack-in-the-cookies convention on the roof. We tried to go up to the top anyway but we ended up getting to the 12th floor of the parking garage and there was no way to see out! they blocekd out all the windows because i guess they don't want you to get a view unless you pay. I can't believe I wasted 12 bucks on that concert. WE also went to sears tower and the lakeshore. My S key doesn't work! it's so annoying! UGH! i can't believe how badly luke is beating me in fantasy soccer. Here's what i look like with a moustache and also a song as part of my newfangled "mp3 blog"
Lou Reed (feat bruce springsteen!?!?!) - Street Hassle
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I am posting I am posting. I've been watching a ton of movies lately becuase I feel like I'm on the verge of a lot of things. In this case I feel like I'm really close to finding a movie that like really speaks to me. It might not even be that great but I feel like sometime soon i'm gonna see a movie that really hits me. It definitely wasn't running with scissors or hard candy. When I saw Hiroshima Mon Amour i didn't think it was that good but the way it was put together really stuck with me, somehow. I'm trying to get other movies by the same director or cinematographer but basically all of them are checked out of the library by FACULTY which means they get to keep it for a whole month ugggggh. I saw the squid and the whale last night, it was very good. But it still isn't doing it for me. But it's coming i can feel it! Other things I'm on the verge of: I feel like i'm really close to getting over some things so that's good. Also I am on the verge of tears if Barcelona doesn't beat Chelsea today. My roommate's birthday is today on halloween! I got him an Ace of Base CD and we played a lot of ABBA, since that's what we do for fun. I have papers to write but there's so many movies i want to see in Chicago and elsewhere. managing time can be tough in college. I don't know what classes to take. There's this Linguistics class on like racial slurs and taboo words and stuff that i really wanna take except its at like 6:30pm and that is definitely a downside. I could also potentially be on the verge of writing songs again but I am not actually sure about that one. I feel it sometimes though. I have this obsession with art recently.
But when someone turns that blue, well it's a universal truth, and you just know that bitch will never fuck again.
I really don't want to go to college. And it's stupid but i just don't want to have to leave everything and everyone because i don't honestly believe that i'll keep in touch and i wonder if i'll even care about anybody in a few months. maybe that sounds harsh and i'm not saying i won't it's just that i can't promise to put that much into it because i don't know what i'll feel. But it's 4 years later and sometimes i don't know what i really have to show for it. And I know it was really vain of me but for some reason i always thought i was special or different than everyone else and that for one reason or another i deserved something real or special. But i keep realizing either that i'm not or that even if i were it wouldn't matter. And i'm becoming crabby now. I suddenly hate everyone else's music and if i ever get what i thought i wanted it's never good enough. And i can't stand being in school. I'm like an old man. But somehow i don't want to leave. It's because i could never let go of anything. And now this livejournal has become everything i always hated about live journal which is just someone complaining about things that nobody else really cares aboutm usually being overly stupid and poetic about it. That's ok i guess i can let myself be annoying sometimes. It's weird i think i just want to mean something but i don't know how. ok ok whatever.
This entry is the obligatory Funbunny announcement, so anyone who reads this should come see the Storks play at Bellarmine this Friday. Two new songs will be debuted! Be sure to come early because the Mascots got stuck playing first and they should be seen too. So basically come ASAP. In other news, grease is fun. I was thinking about when we were reading the sound and the fury and how it said that "temporary" is the saddest word of all. And I realized that the people I'm going to miss most when I go to college, i'm probably only going to miss for a while and then i'll barely care. And that made me really really sad. I mean yeah i talk to people who are now in college but not really about anything. I guess i'll just have to make an effort to continue to make good conversation. It's just kinda dumb. oh well. I've been trying to watch La Dolce Vita because I have a poster of it in my room and i feel ashamed about not having seen it, but it's really long and hard to finish. Approaching Christmas break is a good thing. I predict much fun. Man these entries are always really stupid. Go to Funbunny.
I realized today that I'm really happy with myself. Like I'm proud of who I am. I'm glad I'm doing the play and that I joined Sanguine because I used to just follow Chris around all the time and not make any decisions for myself. For the first time in my life I don't feel like I'm that much younger than everyone else. It's like sometime since the end of summer I just caught up to somewhere closer to where I'm supposed to be. And maybe that's why it's been easy for me to reignite old friendships. Like I'm really happy about Luke. But it's ironic because I think if that happened to me now I wouldn't have such a hard time with it and maybe i wouldn't care that he didn't want to be my friend. Like why should I waste any more of my life on people who don't want to be my friends? Like suddenly I am who I am and I don't care if my opinions or interests are the same as my friends' anymore. Because when the friends pass I don't want the person I am to pass too. I think the reason i've had so much trouble getting over people who drop me or who push me away is that i've invested so much of myself that i can't separate my personality from theirs'. But i should be able to. And maybe I can now. Because as long as I'm me and i know who i am and i'm happy with who i am then I won't be so personally effected by everything. And becuase what i need and want is friends who understand me and like me and who i am, and not because i am adaptable to who they are, or because i happen to be so similar to them already. whatever. i really felt like writing in here today i coudlnt' really explain why. But i guess everyone must suffer through a gigantic entry.
So cassie has forced me to write 20 random facts about myself and i will oblige, but i will do the world a favor and not tag anyone so that no one else will have to suffer through it.
1)I think this activity is stupid. 2) this is actually the second time i'm doing this, because my internet just crashed. 3) I'm currently listening to "the man whose head expanded" by the fall. 4) I just figured out how to make amazing feedback noises with my acoustic/electric guitar. 5) i want to start a foreign film club, but i don't think anyone will join. 6) my birthday is next week. 7) I don't know what i want to do with my life or where to go to college. 8) I should be studying for economics right now. 9) I don't like the faint and i think that bright eyes and elliot smith are overrated. 10) I secretly frequent the livejournals of people i never lj friended, IE sierra. 11) I think chris sc is silly to have put his passport and drivers license on his lj for all to see. 12) I think chris casu uses his live journal too much. 13) I own a mandolin and I can play "losing my religion" ! 14)Yesterday some guy threatened to "cut my dick off" if I dated his daughter. I think she was about 3 years old. 15) I don't like mixers. 16) I consider luke a good friend again, even though he often smells kinda funny. 17)I don't really care whether there's a god or not. 18)I keep my locker key and money in a jelly bean box in my backpack. 19) I am paranoid and don't trust people in general. 20) last week i watched a guy get detention for dancing in front of a classroom.
Well. The summer is coming to an end and so it's time for another entry. This was definitely the best summer yet by a long shot. I was never bored, I was always having fun. Even the school year should be good depsite college apps. and everything. The summer isn't ending in the best way...everything in life is mixed up. But i guess the only way to look at things is optimistically, and starting the year with a clean slate could be good. It will be a distinctly different experience than the summer, and maybe that's how it's supposed to be. It's also unsettling to already think about college when it isn't even that close. Sometimes i wish life were as simple as movies, and you would only have to worry about a couple plot lines at a time. And you know they'd get resolved within a couple hours, or the dramatic structure wouldn't be preserved. In the end, like in movies, turmoil and pressure will probably make for a more fun and interesting year anyway. Well...thanks to everyone for helping me have a cool summer. And have a happy year, i guess. let's do lunch sometime.
So today I'm updating because for the first time in maybe ever, I got a request to do so. Also because it seems like an appropriate time: school ends tomorrow. The whole ordeal has made me a bit contemplative, since this has been a pretty important and fruitful school year for me. A lot of stuff has happened, particularly since my last entry, which will always make Junior year an interesting and memorable one. But all in all it was great and I know this summer will be super awesome. Today was the first time in a long time I bought a CD the day it came out...maybe since the BSB's "Black and Blue." That CD being Stephen Malkmus's "Face the Truth," which is hecka good and deserves your attention. I also saw an amazing play at the REP which is somewhat unusual for that location but sometimes you get lucky. My super-buddy Sarah was there, too, but I didn't really see her and so I was quite sad. Well. I know everyone hoped I would have something interesting to say, but I guess...I don't know. This is becoming dramatic, but the point is, I now remember why I don't really update this.
I have nothing to write about, so i might as well advertise. In case you didn't know, the storks are playing at Bellarmine's Funbunny on Tues DEc 21 sometime between 6:30pm and 10:00pm. Come if you want to! In other news the semester is almost over except for finals. I think i'm ok in every class as long as i dont get an F on anything. I feel like watching a lot of movies which makes me glad that break is approaching. My music attention span seems to haev temporarily diminished. I don't seem to have the power to listen through one album very many times anymore. I notice ive been shuffling music a lot of the time lately. Actually that's pretty unintersting. See what happens when i try to fill up space in these entries? Hmm. Recently i've been pissed off at the Oscars. Did you know they only let in one foreign film per country for teh best foreign film award? thats messed up. So if theres two good Spanish films, they have to choose one. thats dumb.
Before anyone bugs me, i'll write something. For the last like 3 weeks ive been working backstage for Bellarmine's production of Dead Man Walking. Today is closing night. IT was fun, and actually not as hard as i expected. Id surely do it again. The only problem is it prevents me from attending any band practices and therefore prevents any band practices, unless someone will pleasantly surprise me by organizing one without me! Anyway. Itll feel weird to not be busy from now on. I hope we can start recording or something. Im sick of having the same songs and not doing anything forever. Thats about it. Cool
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tomiyorke's journal
scared
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